2nd Draft with Comments of Improvement

After my teacher had viewed my second draft he suggested that I changed a few things:

• the shot between 49 seconds and 1 minute 8 seconds sound had to be louder as the background music seemed to drown it out and was hard to hear and understand

• the shot when Bliss is walking into the house, the cut from the outside to the inside was a little delayed so I was told to cut shorter the outside shot for continuity purposes

• when the shot at 3 minutes and 57 seconds cuts to black, the background music continues into the next shot, to improve the shot my teacher told me to cut the music when it cuts to black and to have the next shot silent with just the dialogue from my actors, this is to create the suspense for what is to come in the later seconds

• I was told to remove the music which starts at 5 minutes 4 seconds so that the audience will feel the impact of the turmoil and emotional change my protagonist is facing from what happened

• the scene between 5 minutes 15 seconds and 5 minutes 33 seconds was too long and drawn out, my teacher suggested that to improve the scene I should cut the scene into four shots and to shrink them and for them to flash on the screen to show and reinforce the idea that my protagonist is in a state of turmoil and distress

• when the screen turns to black at 6 minutes 13 seconds the affect I wanted to create from the spectator didn't quite work, as they wasn't as shocked as I wanted them to be, my teacher suggested that I should cut to black later in her dialogue i.e. just before she reveals the name of James' mistress so that it creates the shock and alarm